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pop quiz
by
tiffany rawlins
disclaimer: this is based on the which lance are you quiz by rina and miggie. question and answers are theirs and are used here by permission.
shocking absolutely no one, i am slashy lance!
Your best friend just confessed that they've got a crush on someone you know. What do you do?
There's a party inside. There's always a party, whether it's your house or his house or somebody else's. There's always a party and you're always supposed to be meeting people and making them like you. If you just try hard enough, everyone will like you. Everyone will love you.
Joey's hand slides down from where it rested on your neck, trailing along your spine and settling above your tailbone. Joey has a crush, he told you that part already. You're waiting for the punchline.
"It's someone you know," he says.
a. Stare into space. This isn't the first time you've heard that.
And really, what else is new. Joey goes through crushes like Kleenex. Like condoms, you think, that's more appropriate. Joey has a little crush on every girl he fucks for the ten whole minutes it takes to get her into bed. And then he gets over it.
Also, Joey uses the word know in weird ways. Not like biblical ways. But he's said this before, and once all it meant was that you'd been standing there when they were introduced. "You know, that one. The one you know. From New Orleans."
You don't really know any of Joey's crushes. But you know Joey. You know.
b. Try to fight the bump in your throat.
It's been over for so long and really it wasn't ever anything. It wasn't nothing. But it wasn't something, either, not the kind of something you could tell your mom about, or the guys, or your friends. It was too many fucking Mai Tais in Cancun and that's kind of the story of your sad little sex life.
So Joey's just another guy who wasn't what you wanted after all. Or didn't want you, at least. You've had at least a hundred crushes since then, you've probably even fucked a good twenty or thirty of them, so that proves it wasn't anything. Not to you it wasn't.
c. Call the crush on your cell phone and give it to your friend.
"I think she likes JC," you say, and it sounds like a shitty excuse. Joey wrestles the phone from your hand and hits Emmanuelle's number, still set to speed dial from the two weeks in LA when you two were inseparable. Joined at the hip even though you'd had three scenes together, but she was fun for a while, before she started flirting with JC.
Joey holds out the phone and you take it, sighing. You cover the mouthpiece. "She likes JC," you say again, more forcefully.
Joey touches your cheek and says, "Never stopped me before."
d. Offer them a drink in sympathy.
Justin says, "He what?!" from across the house and you can hear him like he's in your monitor. Joey twitches and Justin keeps laughing with Chris.
"Oh, man," you say, shaking your head. "Oh, walk away now. Step away from the pretty boy, Joe."
"How'd you survive it, then."
"I didn't. I walked away. I wore a fucking chastity belt, man. You do what you have to."
"But I thought. He said you two."
You laugh. "Can you imagine what he'd have said if it was true? Lord."
Joey puts his head in his hands. "But he's..."
"Yeah, and we're...not. Let go and let god, my friend. Here. Have another beer."
e. Think, "please, please let it be me."
Joey's got a lot of lines. You haven't heard this one. You haven't heard any of them when they weren't a joke. They're never meant for you. They've gotten simpler as you've gotten more famous. Sometimes they're not lines at all, just looks, hand gestures, nods in the direction of a back room. You're never invited.
Joey skates a finger along the top of your jeans and his nail scratches your skin. "You know him verrrrrry welllll," he sing-songs.
You can't help it. You laugh. "God, Joey, all this time."
He shrugs. "I was waiting for the perfect moment."
"No, I mean. All this time and that's the cheezy fucking pickup line that's supposed to sweep me off my feet?"
He cups a hand around your crotch and leans in close. "It's just a line, Lance. Pretty much we still have to do the heavy lifting."
Your eyes flutter closed, and his lips are wet on your neck. You claw at his shoulders and lean back against the steps. You say, "It was never just a crush."
END.
Credits: Kel and Jamie. Younger for taking it seriously. And in its own way, this is for Punk. Gimme back my gum.